Franciscan Sister of Christian Charity Mary Ann Spanjers continues a Discernment Reflection series by exploring St Francis’ experience at San Damiano. Visit us at fscc-calledtobe.org and learn more about our ministries in Catholic Health Care, Education, and Special ministries like Theology, Medical Ethics and Campus Ministry, that draw on our Sisters unique gifts and talents. What are yours?
Sister Mary Ann is currently in Texas and will be traveling to the Tucson area. If you are a discerning young woman and would like a face to face visit at a near by coffee house, text her at 920-320-1627.
Franciscan Discernment Part V
In the previous segment we see how St. Francis faced his horrible fear of lepers by embracing and kissing a poor man he encountered. Embracing what he most feared brought inner freedom and purpose to St. Francis’ life. He discovered his mission to reach out and help those rejected by society. He also discovered inner freedom.
As Franics became more in tune with God the Father directing him he found himself spending time in a broken down chapel called San Damiano. There was a Byzantine wooden crucifix icon painted in red, gold, blue and black. It did not represent the tortured Christ of later art; but the large, open, dark eyes of the Crucified looked down with an aliveness unlike most crucifixes. It was a striking example of the early painted crucifixes, and it is strange that it survived the neglected chapel.
Before it Francis loved to pray for the light which would shine through the darkness of his mind. He often asked Jesus, what do you want me to do? One day while praying before the crucifix he heard the words, “Francis, you see that my house is falling down; go and repair it for me.” Francis answered simply, “Willingly Lord.”
At that time Francis understood Jesus’ message literally. He was in a crumbling Church and God was simply asking him to repair it. The overpowering thing for him at that moment was that Christ—above all, the majestic, yet so human, figure of the Crucified in brilliant colors surrounded by saints in heaven, had spoken to him . Francis had obscurely known and heard God’s voice within him before, and it had given him the strength to kiss the leper, but in Francis’ mind this was an even more authentic confirmation that God was with him, instructing him about what here and now he should do.
How often do I even bother to ask Jesus, “what do you want me to do”? Perhaps when I am in conflict or something has happened in my life causing me to doubt myself. St. Francis helps us discover that a true relationship with Jesus takes time and listening. Francis often went to the ruined, broken down, Church to pray before the crucifix. He was not on a schedule, or timetable, he continued to place himself before Jesus and ask for his help.
The important insight is that Francis allowed Jesus to lead him. He asked and asked and waited. When Jesus knew that Francis was ready, he revealed his direction for Francis. “Rebuild my church for it is falling into ruin” So Francis does what is clearly a need. Find a way to repair the Church, new bricks, cement, stones.
Honest prayer is placing my broken self, my weak self, my confused self, my unsure self before Jesus on the crucifix each day and ask him, “what do you want me to do?” He will respond. I need to learn to wait for His response, Jesus knows when I am ready or the situation is ready for me to do something. Until then all I need do is continue to ask.
May you ask Jesus today and each day, “What is it you want me to do?” and I pray that you receive the grace to wait for his response, knowing that when the time is right Jesus will make it clear to you.
